HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!

The one thing I don’t want to hear today: “What plans for your birthday?” Well, usually I have a plan. It’s drinks and dinner with family, bring it in with friends, lunch on the D-day with family again, and then party till the wee hours of the morning. Unfortunately, this year my birthday ironically falls on the day Jesus died for us. Yes, Good Friday. My mother categorically warned me, “No parties at home. Do what you want to do outside.”

After a life changing experience in Bangkok at the Coldplay concert, partying and shopping, the birthday week was going fine, until I woke up this morning. I’ve never woken up feeling so crappy and blah a day before my birthday. I come out of my room to see my mother, a sweet, fuzzy ball of happiness, despite the tormenting heat, cooking lunch.

I lie on the couch and watch a show, hoping it might make me feel better. But nah! Guess what I am watching to make me feel good? The dark Flesh & Bone! I love the show, but when you’re already feeling low, why would anyone torture himself or herself with more gloom? My phone’s buzzing. I don’t feel like answering calls or messages. Random people are messaging me to know my plans to bring the birthday in. Quite honestly, for the first time in 46 years, I feel zero excitement about my birthday. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that my closest friends are either busy at work or not in town. Or perhaps I’m being childish and wondering why the ones who matter aren’t asking me about my plans.

So what if I turn 46 tomorrow? When it comes to my birthdays, I actually look forward to it. I have no qualms saying I am a child who wants the whole goddamn shebang on my birthday! Now I am even more depressed and angry with myself for having expectations. Depressed, because well, I have no plans… or the inclination anymore! I tell my boyfriend, “Please do not message or call anyone to bring in my birthday. If people are interested, they will call and join me wherever I am. Let’s not force people to come celebrate my birthday.” He wonders where this is all coming from. “For all you know I might just stay home tonight.” I walk away.

I come to the living room to find my bundle of joy serving lunch. We eat. The simple dal, rice, aloo fry is just the antidote I need. I am in heaven. I look at my mother and I want to hug her tight. She’s the reason why I am even on this planet, breathing the same air as she is. I know I sound filmy, but then I am a bloody filmy boy! Ha!

Just like a mother’s caress on your forehead makes you feel better, no matter how bad you feel, mom’s food comforts my bones, calms my soul and spreads happiness in my being. In that moment I know what I want… I want to know everything about the today, the day before she gave birth to me… “Do you remember the day before you gave birth to me?” I ask. Mom looks up, surprised, amused, and thinks. “Sleeping I guess…” she smiles. But I see her, clearly digging deep into 46 years. I stare at her at her beautiful face, her porcelain skin even at 65. I wish there were a time machine. I would fly me straight to that time and see how this strong, lovely creature gave birth to me.

“I saw a movie the day before you were born,” Mom gleefully squeals, remembering suddenly. “My mother and I saw Haathi Mere Saathi the day before. I remember mom had cooked my favourite beef chilly fry for lunch. We ate and went to see the 3 pm show.” Now I know why two of these are still my favourites. Actually, make that three; the movie, Haathi Mere Saathi, Tanuja, the actress, and beef chilly fry.

Mom continues narrating the next day, April 14^th, 1971. “I was rushed to the hospital really early that morning.  At 5 am, I went into labor, and my mother wouldn’t leave my side. From 5 am till nearly 8 pm I wasn’t permitted food or water, because they claimed I needed a caesarian and I was to be taken into surgery.  “I was in so pain,” my mother reminisces. “Your grandmother was hyperventilating. She couldn’t bear to see me in so much pain. I couldn’t stop crying in pain.  One of the nurses then gently advised me to not cry so much. ‘Save your energy,’ she said, ‘You’ll need it when you actually deliver.’  Looking at my mother’s worried face, in that moment I decided I would not cry. She sat all day in the hospital, refusing to leave till I had delivered and I was safe. At one point, she reluctantly went to get me tea from outside. She hurried back, and in the bargain forgot the flask in the bathroom. She was nearly in tears because she couldn’t find the flask and she wanted to give me tea. She had clearly forgotten that I couldn’t drink or eat anything.”

Listening to my mom, I can’t help, but break into tears, unable to imagine my mother’s pain, and my grandmother’s plight, considering when I was born she had begun showing early signs of brain tumor, one of the main reasons for her forgetful nature.  My mother breaks into tears, remembering her mother. I hug my mother tight and more than consoling her, I am enjoying the comfort in her arms, and the happiness I feel… It’s indescribable! It’s heaven! It is the most beautiful birthday moment in 46 years! Another life changing moment, which I will cherish till my last breath.

We make birthdays about ourselves. But actually it’s the day to celebrate the woman, our mother, who went through the unimaginable, painful ordeal, to bring us into this world, and the woman, her mother, who stood by her convincing her that she can do it, just like she had done. Mom, I will always thank you for all that you went through to raise me into the man I am. I admire you, your indomitable strength, and courage. I am blown away by the fact that you are so untouched by life, despite having been through so much. You are my hero. Happy Birthday Mom!